In an emotional excerpt from his new book, Sen. John Fetterman said he should have dropped out of his 2022 senatorial race while battling severe depression after his stroke.
Fetterman’s book Unfettered comes out Tuesday, and a selection published by the right-of-center website the Free Press on Monday tells the story of how deeply he struggled during his political ascent, the Philadelphia Enquirer reported on Monday.
The senator provided a raw narrative of how he would have died if he wasn’t so close to a specialized hospital in Lancaster when he suffered a stroke four days before his dominating Democratic primary win on May 13, 2022. He described his heart stopping for several seconds.
In the excerpt, Fetterman reflected on his experiences while campaigning in 2022. He recounted how his wife, Gisele, observed his mouth drooping and immediately instructed his team to take him to the hospital.
After suffering a stroke, Fetterman was left with the ability to communicate with voters solely through closed captioning. He admits that at this point, despite his positive polling numbers, “In hindsight, I should have quit.”
He also opened up about the toll the political attacks from his opponent, Republican candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz, and others in the media took on him during the campaign, fueling his depression that had followed him since he was young.
He also revealed what was going on with him personally and physically after he defeated Oz, noting that his depression worsened to the point where he checked himself into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center for psychiatric treatment.
“This continued even after I was sworn in as a senator in January. I found a dark apartment in the basement of a building in Washington, and when I returned each night at around 5 p.m., I’d lock the door, lie on my thin mattress on the floor, and welcome the dark,” he revealed.
“In the morning, I’d wait until the last second to get dressed. Outside of going to work and coming home again, I didn’t have any routine. I had stopped listening to music long ago. I wasn’t even getting coffee in the morning,” he wrote. “By February, I wasn’t eating, and I wouldn’t talk to anybody.”
In the memoir, he recalls a pivotal moment when a mental health professional told him the four words that helped him find his way out of the darkness: “Children need their daddy.” With continued treatment and regular visits from his family, Fetterman said he began to recover and was able to return home three weeks later.
He also reflected on the current political climate, acknowledging that while he identifies as a moderate — much to the frustration of many in his party — he’s uncertain how much longer he’ll remain in the Democratic fold.
“I have never viewed my political party as an iron shackle adhering me to the party line. And I don’t take positions for my own self-interest. I take positions based on what I believe is right,” he wrote. “I know this has cost me support from a significant part of my base, and I’m well aware that it may cost me my seat. I’m completely at peace with that.”
Fetterman was one of only a few Democrats and Democrat-aligned senators who voted consistently with Republicans for weeks to reopen the government, while most of his Democratic colleagues followed Minority Leader Chuck Schumer’s (D-N.Y.) order to vote against reopening.
To that point, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries on Monday expressed anger over an emerging deal with Republicans to reopen the federal government after his party kept it closed for more than 40 days.
The deal that is being worked on is essentially the same one Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-S.D.) offered Democrats weeks ago.